Advice for Dads During Labor: Do’s and Don’ts of Labor
Your wife or partner is pregnant. You’re having a baby! And I know you know this, but I also know there are some days it doesn’t even feel real that you’re having a baby.
You’ll be someone’s dad. And how amazing that will be in so many ways.
And as you two finalize the getting-ready plans for your new baby, you might also be wondering about your role during the actual labor.
I’ve been teaching childbirth education and supporting moms and dads for their labor and postpartum for 10+ years. And I have met many dads like you, that want to be fully informed on what dads can do and not do during labor.
In this article, I will give you a complete guide on what benefits you bring as the dad during labor and what to do and what not to do during work. And give you tips that you will be so happy to have known during the birth of your baby.
Let’s get into it to learn how you can best support your partner in labor.
Why Does the Presence of the Dad Matter in Labor?
Even today, the presence and importance of dads in labor are not talked about enough. And yet, having the dad in labor can literally affect the outcome of the birth. It’s that powerful.
One study observed 100 women birthing with their husbands present and another 100 birthing without their husbands to find the benefits and risks of having the husband at the birth.
And the results were surprising.
Researchers found that the husbands’ presence had a significant psychosocial effect on the mother and the birth.
In the group where the dads were present, the labor was shorter than those that did not have the dads present.
And there was a reduction of threatening intrauterine asphyxia and cesarean sections.
Having you in the birth room is essential for the wellness of the mother and your baby.
What Dads Should Expect in the Delivery Room
So what can you expect in the delivery room as a dad?
This will significantly depend on where the birth occurs: hospital, birth center, or home. So, let’s break down some things to expect that will be present in any birth location.
Hospital Birth:
You will first be in triage when you check into the hospital. Triage is
Triage is a temporary room where your wife or partner will be observed to determine if she is ready to be admitted to the hospital for labor. Depending on how far along she is in the labor process, you might skip triage and go directly to the delivery room when you arrive. That happened twice to me!
The nurse or Doctor will observe labor symptoms, and if they see that your wife or partner is in labor (usually they want her to be close to or near active labor), she will be admitted and moved to the actual delivery room. If they do not see enough labor symptoms, they will ask you both to go back home and come back when she’s farther in labor.
Once you’re in the delivery room, your wife or partner will be assigned one or two Labor and Delivery nurses (L&D Nurse) to care for her during the entire shift that the nurse works.
If there’s a shift change and you get a new nurse, you will be introduced to the new nurse as the previous nurse ends her shift.
Vitals will be checked or observed, including blood pressure, heart rate, how the mother seems to be coping with labor. And then, the baby will also be checked through fetal monitoring.
Depending on your hospital, your wife or partner may be continuously monitored for vitals (as well as the baby) or be intermittently monitored. Either way, the hospital staff does an excellent job checking vitals and ensuring that both are coping well with labor.
Your wife or partner may also be checked to see how far her cervix is in the opening (called dilating).
If you haven’t taken a childbirth class, you most certainly will want to take one soon to know what these terms mean and a lot more in terms of supporting your wife or partner.
From this point, until it’s time to push, it’s mostly a waiting game. Though a very interactive and engaging waiting game.
Birth Center:
Birth centers operate differently than a hospital. A birth center is a separate space for mothers that want to give birth without using medications. And the care of the mother is more holistic, though of course still medical, as the midwives in birth centers are fully trained to work and care for birthing mothers.
Birth centers are operated by midwives, and while they can be located inside a hospital, most operate independently, so let’s discuss birth centers from that perspective.
There is no triage in a birth center, as you are in full communication with your midwife before you arrive to ensure that the mother is ready to be in the birth center.
You are admitted to the birth center and given a room for delivery. Usually, the rooms look a lot like a home environment. Mother is monitored intermittently unless there’s a need for continuous monitoring.
And there’s at times also a nurse. Because the birth center is not a hospital setting, midwives and their staff wear comfortable clothing vs. hospital scrubs.
You should expect a much more quiet, soothing, non-medical environment while at a birth center.
Homebirth:
If you have a home birth, you know that you’ll have to get supplies for the delivery if you’re having a water birth (which most home birthing mothers do). These may be provided to you by your midwife, or you may be asked to purchase a kit.
You’ll both be at home the entire time, so the thing to know to expect is what happens when your birth team arrives.
The midwife will observe the mother and check her vitals and those of the baby. Then, she will prepare her space with her supplies, and she will check to see how the mother is feeling and what are needs are.
At a home birth, you should expect a much more “hands-off” approach to birthing, with a lot of support, observing, and holding space for the birthing mother.
What Dads Should Not do During Labor?
Regardless of where your wife or partner is birthing, there are things you’ll want to not do during labor. So, let’s discuss these.
- Speak loudly or aggressively as you support your wife or partner in labor.
- Be rude to the birth team.
- Make unreasonable demands of the birth team.
- Leave to get last-minute supplies or things you need for the baby.
- Post on social media pictures of your wife or partner while she’s in labor (ask her first after the baby is born and she’s settled into postpartum)
- Be on the phone with friends and family (your wife or partner will want and need your entire presence during labor).
- Watch TV (see above, presence is vital)
- Go take a shower (if you didn’t get one in before labor, skip it until after delivery is completed).
- Finish last-minute work duties.
- Answer emails or send text messages.
I’m sure none of these are things you personally would do, but you’d be surprised how easily it can be to not realize that the quick email you thought you could send in labor can psychologically affect the birthing mother. So, keep these in mind.
What Should dad wear in the delivery room?
The average labor is around 20 hours long. You’ll want to consider what you wear during this time.
My advice is to wear comfortable clothing that you can layer. These include a sweatshirt with a shirt underneath, sports shorts or sweat pants, cozy socks, and tennis shoes (you’ll be standing for many hours).
You’ll also want to take two extra sets of clothing with you. One set to change if the clothing you’re wearing gets dirty, and the second set is to change after the labor and during the stay at the hospital.
Think of what you wear as clothing that you’d wear to a long workout session at the gym. You want clothing that is breathable, comfortable, and easy to move around in.
How can I help my partner during labor?
What to do during labor and delivery is the part that you get to shine in. Of course, you’ve been supportive during pregnancy, but this is where your presence and support matter the most.
Here are 25 things you can do to support your wife or partner during labor.
1) Pack her water and snacks
birthing mothers can and should drink water or electrolytes and eat during labor. Labor is like running a marathon. You’d not do that with any food or water in your system, so neither should she labor with an empty stomach or not adequately hydrated.
Bring a reusable water bottle that you can refill during labor. I recommend that you offer her water in between contractions.
For snacks and food, think of protein and easily digestible carbohydrates. This might be a smoothie with yogurt and bananas or mixed nuts coated with maple syrup, but get creative in the variety of snacks you have handy during labor if she doesn’t like what’s offered at that moment.
2) Speak Gently and Tenderly
A woman in labor is at her most vulnerable state. So you’ll want to use gentle and tender tones as you speak to her and give her words of validation and affirmation.
3) Use Positive Affirmations
She’ll want to hear how well she’s doing in labor and how amazing she is. And other words of affirmation that you know she likes hearing from you. Use these throughout the labor process to bring her confidence up and remind her just how amazing of a woman she is in this process.
4) Make her foods she like
In early labor, your wife or partner must eat foods that give her energy and make her feel good. So this is an excellent time to order in food or make some of her favorite quick dishes to enjoy during the first part of labor.
5) Make sure she has all her labor supplies.
Moms like to have specific labor supplies during their labor including things like music, candles, massage oil, aromatherapy, yoga ball (highly recommend it!), special clothing. One way you can support her is by purchasing the supplies sooner than later.
6) Take her on a walk.
Movement is vital during labor, and in early labor, you’ll be spending hours at home before it’s time to go to your birthing location. So, a nature walk at a nearby park or even around your block helps elevate any anxiety around labor and keep her labor progressing.
7) Take a nice warm bath together.
It’s a romantic, exciting part of your life right now as your wife or partner enters labor. So make it extra special by preparing a warm bath for both of you to enjoy.
8) Create a calming vibe in your home.
Lower the lights, play some of her favorite music, light candles, get her pillows and her favorite blanket as you set the space to feel calming and relaxing. Do the same when you’re at the birthing location as well.
9) Get the hospital or birth center bag in the car.
Take another look to make sure that everything you and she needs is in the bag or suitcase, and then place it in the car early on so that you don’t need to worry about it as labor progresses.
10) Call your birth team.
In the beginning part of labor, you’ll want to notify your doula (if you have one), your Doctor or midwife, and any other person you have for the birth, such as the birth photographer.
11) Bring Pillows
Especially if you’re birthing in a hospital, you’ll want to bring with you her favorite pillow so that she can be reminded of comfort and home as she’s birthing her baby.
12) Speak to the nurse about your wife’s birth desires.
If you have a birth plan, you’ll want to give it to the nurse (the more you take on these roles, the less the birthing mother needs to worry about). But, you’ll also want to discuss what is in the birth plan and summarize for the nurse the desires your wife or partner has for labor.
13) Learn hands-on coping skills for labor.
I highly suggest that you take a good childbirth education class that teaches you what hands-on coping techniques you can use to provide physical comfort to your wife or partner as she labors.
In my class, Mindful Birth and Postpartum Childbirth Education, I have several how-to videos for using your hands (As well as a rebozo) to provide a great deal of comfort and support for your wife or partner in labor.
14) Be the advocate.
Your wife or partner should be able to tell you what is working and not working for the rin the birth and for you to be the one that advocates for her needs and comfort.
This might include asking for another nurse that your wife or partner likes more, asking for additional blankets, or helping your wife make informed decisions about the birthing process.
15) Give her massages during labor.
A message in labor will help your wife or partner stay relaxed and calm. I invite you to give her hand, foot, and even full-body massages while she’s in labor and between contractions.
16) Use aromatherapy during labor to keep her relaxed.
I’m a big fan of using pregnancy and birth-friendly aromatherapy during labor. Use aromatherapy wisely so that if by chance she doesn’t like it (even if she did in pregnancy), you can quickly remove it. I recommend that you place a couple of drops of lavender or clary sage on a napkin and ask her to breathe it in for additional comfort.
17) Be encouraging and motivating.
There’s a lot of space for encouragement and motivation during labor. This includes powerful words such as “Your body knows what to do.” and “You’re so beautiful as you’re laboring, I’m madly in love with you.” These loving words can have a significant impact on her ability to birth to your baby feeling amazing.
18) Watch as your baby is born.
A magical transformation happens in a man when he watches the woman he loves giving birth to his child. Whether it’s a Caesarian birth or vaginal birth, the birth process genuinely demonstrates the goddess-like qualities of a woman.
I’ve heard men say, “I am in awe, I had no idea her body could do that; I love her so much more than I did before.” when they watched their baby being born.
Don’t believe the myth that it ruins your sex life in any way. On the contrary, it brings the image of your wife to a higher level and can only elevate the experiences you have with her even more.
19) Get her food after the birth – and you too!
Birth is exhausting. And afterward, a good meal is fantastic to have. So order her and yourself some food after birth and enjoy a good meal together as you begin this new phase of your lives as parents.
20) Hire a doula.
I’ve been teaching childbirth education for many years and have never ever heard a dad say he regrets having a doula at the birth. In fact, what I have heard is, “I wish I had listened to you and got a doula!”.
A doula does not replace you. Instead, she adds additional support to the support you are already providing. And she gives the opportunities for you to take a breather because labor can feel overwhelming.
21) Learn how to do breathing techniques.
Breathe can remove stress and anxiety quickly. And since a lot of moms experience these emotions in labor, you’ll want to know easy breathing techniques you can use during labor.
22) Help her move during labor.
Even if she has an epidural in place during labor, she should still move throughout the labor. You’ll want to shift her to her side at times or help her get into a squat-like position or side-lying position if she’s confined to the bed during labor.
23) Offer emotional support in labor.
There will be things in labor that you simply cannot fix. But you can provide one of the most important things she needs, which is emotional support.
Give her plenty of validation and empathy as she shares her thoughts and concerns with you during labor.
24) Ask her what she needs.
This can be one of the best things you do in labor. First, ask her at times what she needs and how she’s feeling. And then take steps to give her what she needs, whether it’s physical or emotional.
25) Remember yourself.
You also will need support and care during labor. It’s a long process and one that can feel like a roller coaster. Make sure that you take steps to stay grounded, calm, and relaxed as you provide your essential support during labor.
Your presence in the birth of your baby is essential. Having you there as a supportive partner can help shorten the labor process and decrease interventions.
In addition, your presence in labor serves as a beautiful transition into fatherhood – and all the magic that comes with being a dad.
Continue with: Difference Between Bradley Method Class and a Mindful Childbirth Class
