Become a Happier Mom in Less Than 5-Minutes a Day

The other day I ran into an Instagram reel of a Child Occupational Therapist who now works with moms directly.

And she was disapproving of an author who wrote a book on conscious self-care and other people (without naming their names) who advise mothers to take various steps to care for themselves and rewire their brains to become happier moms. 

Her opinion was that moms are too busy for that, and she kept saying things like, “You don’t have time for that!” (“That” being anything from positive affirmations to self-care). She also promoted her class that is meant to teach the same thing (how to be a happier mom). 

It was a unique way of trying to sell her class. However, as someone that has worked with moms for over 15 years on a deep heart and soul level, I found myself attaching negative emotions to what I felt was a disservice to mothers who are putting in the work to make small changes towards their emotional wellness.

I sat with it for a few days and wondered if it’s true that mothers find the steps to emotional wellness too hard to do. And the truth is that yes, they do.

I’ve heard it myself from busy moms with little ones – they don’t feel they have the time for their wellness.

So, what can we do to make it super crazy easy for moms to find happiness within themselves to mother how they want to mother and feel good inside out?

We can do it by rewiring the brain, little by little. And by little, I mean simple things that you can do even as you’re prepping the 100th snack request your preschooler asks or about to sit down to help your 3rd grader with homework. 

Ready to begin? Let’s do it. You’ll learn how to super crazy easy rewire your brain in this article.

First, Understand that Your Brain Leans Towards Negativity

You’re not a terrible person for not automatically going into a zen mode when life happens. Our brains are wired to go negatively.

Your brain is wired to think negatively in just about any life situation automatically. So it’s going to go “there” first.

• When your kid isn’t listening to you for the umpteenth time, your brain will tell you that your kid will never listen to you.
• When your potential client fails to call you back, your mind automatically assumes you did something wrong in the presentation. As a result, they didn’t like you.
• When your husband forgets once again to close the cabinets, you will automatically think he’s doing it to annoy you.

It’s part of our evolution in that being consistently aware of dangers has turned into being always biased towards negativity.

It’s a term called “negativity bias”. We think we will learn more or get more out of being in the negative than in the positive.

It’s something we do as a form of self-protection.

However, staying in the negative bias is why so many people, moms included, are not living a genuinely happy life. So, not only does it keep us from the calm and peace we want, but it also doesn’t even serve us anymore as a human race.

It’s time to revolutionize.

The excellent news is that you can rewire your brain to change the negative bias. We all can do this. It’s our secret superpower. And it’s not as hard as it sounds.

It’s more than “think positive thoughts,” though that is most certainly a way to do it.

How do I become a happier mom?

I’m going to teach you three super easy things you can do throughout the day that will result in you rewiring your brain away from the negative bias and towards living a genuinely happy life.

You’ll spend about five minutes a day total doing these. It doesn’t mean five minutes straight, but a total of about five minutes, give or take, during the day.

1) Be aware that you’re rewiring your brain.

What do I mean by being aware that you’re rewiring your brain? I mean, don’t forget that you’re working on this!

So, each day you’re going to remind yourself that you are in the process of rewiring the way your brain reacts to life situations. 

You’re going to be aware that through evolution, our brains became wired towards the negative.

You’re going to be in awareness, in the knowing, when you find yourself automatically going there to the negative, you are doing so because your brain is wired to do so. That’s it. That’s the only reason.

It means absolutely nothing about you, so no need to judge yourself for it. You’re working on shifting that.

If it helps, write it in a journal, bring it up in discussions with your partner, talk to yourself about it (I mean, we talk to ourselves all day long anyway, so add this), and even tell your kids about it.

2) Reframe Situations that Happen During the Day

The second thing I’d like you to do during the day is reframing as life situations happen.

Reframing is simply the process of looking at a situation in a different way. 

The act of reframing is not the same thing as positive thinking. What we are doing is reframing. 

Now, what happens when you begin to reframe situations? Well, you will have trip-wired your brain from a negative bias to a positive bias. In doing so, you will start to activate positive emotions, which impact the brain’s prefrontal cortex. 

When you impact the prefrontal cortex in your brain, you will reduce the stress hormone of cortisol and increase the hormone of serotonin, which creates feelings of satisfaction and happiness and decreases frustration and anxiety. 

Let’s break down what reframing looks like in real life.

Scenario #1: Your toddler is whining what feels like non-stop about every single thing that happens during the day. Clothes? Whine. Food? Whine. Play? Still whine. You’re finding yourself wanting to scream inside. My kid is so needy, you think.

Reframe: Taking from your first step, you will recognize that your brain has automatically chosen a negative bias towards your toddler’s whining. So no judgment, shrug and say to yourself, “That’s the negative bias.” 

Take about 1.5 minutes to 2 minutes to stay in the mindset of “That’s the negative bias. Everything I’m feeling right now is from my brain’s current wiring towards negative bias.”  

Important → The research shows that it will take about 1.5 minutes to 2 minutes for the feeling to flush through your body, so you must stay in observance of it.

Now you will say to yourself, “My toddler is going through something uncomfortable inside and needs to borrow some of my calmness for stability. I’ll be so calm through the whining that my toddler’s emotions will feel like they bounce off me and instead project safety and security towards my toddler.”

Let’s do another scenario so you can fully understand what this looks like.

Scenario #2: Your 9-year-old rolls their eyes and gives you attitude for just about everything you do. Even when you try to be friendly and do something special, you’re still the bad guy. It’s almost like your kid is ungrateful and entitled. They don’t even know how lucky they are that you’re doing what you do for them! So annoying.

Reframe: From your first step, you will recognize that your brain has automatically chosen a negative bias towards your 9 year old’s attitude. So no judgment, shrug and say to yourself, “That’s the negative bias.” 

You’ll do the same as above and take 1.5 minutes to 2 minutes for the feeling to flush through your body. Remember to keep saying to yourself, “That’s just my negative bias working its way through my body.”

Now you will say to yourself, “My 9-year-old is in the process of trying to determine who they are. And in the process, they are rejecting me to find themselves. I do not need the validation of my child to be a good parent. My child needs validation from me instead. Therefore, I will continue being grounded so that my 9 year old feels safe and secure through their transition.”

Apply this same concept to any other scenario during the day—observing the negative bias, followed by reframing. One at a time, as it’s impossible to do both together without first allowing the automatic negative bias to flow out of your body.

3) Start a Gratitude List

This quick step will take you about 30 seconds to do each day. However, I recommend that you choose to do it in the morning. 

When you create the habit of focusing on what you have to be thankful for, you not only become more aware and in the present moment, but you also clear your mind from the negativity bias and into the positive bias. 

As mentioned already, when you choose the positive bias, you activate the part of your brain that impacts positive emotions. And every single time you do that, you increase serotonin and feelings of happiness.

The happiest people in the world are focused on appreciating what they have and accepting what is.

Sounds so easy, right? But it’s a practice because remember that your brain will instead want to go towards the negative- what you don’t have, what you wish you had, and so on. 

How to Start a Gratitude List:

1. Choose either a journal or piece of paper you’ll continue adding to each day.
2. Each day, you’ll write five things that you are thankful for in your life.
3. Each day, you’ll add five new things that you are thankful for in your life.

If you’re like most people, including myself, you’ll start with the obvious ones – your kids, your home, your life, your partner, etc. But, eventually, you’ll need to start becoming aware of even the littlest things in your life that you can be thankful for. 

I’ve often written things like “the tree outside my house” or “the perfectly green leave of my houseplant.”  And you know what? It’s made me so much more aware of the many things in my life that I have and helped me turn my negativity bias into a more positive bias, and in turn, I’ve become a much happier mom.

Things to remember as you become a happier mom.

Your brain is wired towards negativity bias. It’s was a part of our evolution as human beings and served to keep us from danger. But, today, it doesn’t help us and instead hurts our ability to be happy people.

However, our minds are mighty, and so with simple crazy easy changes, you can rewire your brain towards a positivity bias. 

Start today, it’ll take you less than five minutes a day, and you’ll begin seeing results as you make this a way of life. Remember, you deserve to be happy, and you can do that for yourself.