How-to Use Gentle Parenting Techniques for Toddlers

Parenting a toddler is not for the faint at heart. They are so much fun, completely adorable, do the cutest things in the world while also having absolutely no sense of logic (at times, well, most of the time).
And for you, the logical parent that you are, this can be pretty frustrating. Probably why you’re here reading gentle discipline techniques for toddlers! I get it.
Try all you might, parenting a toddler with an authoritarian parenting style of “Because I said so!” doesn’t work. Not to mention that it can mess up your kid to use this parenting style.
And so you may have tried chosen authoritative parenting, such as positive parenting, gentle parenting, conscious parenting, respectful parenting, and all the other names this style of parenting is given. But, it’s also not working! Or so it seems.
Having used positive, gentle parenting with my four children and taught hundreds of parents how to parent gently effectively, I’m here to tell you that you can parent a toddler using gentle parenting.
In this article, I will share gentle parenting techniques for toddlers that you can use today.
What are the benefits of gentle parenting?
Gentle parenting is a form of authoritative parenting. And in authoritative parenting, you value your child from the inside-out and consider them as human beings worthy of respect, not people you own and get to boss around.
When you are parenting using gentle parenting, you’ll have clear boundaries, and your discipline is respectful, even when you need to be firm.
The benefits of gentle parenting, based on the science, are:
- more likely to become independent
- become self-reliant with emotional regulation
- have social skills
- do better in academics
- behave much better than children raised in authoritarian homes
- are happier children
So, while it might sometimes feel hard to use gentle parenting techniques with toddlers, it’s worth the extra time and effort in the long term. You’ll find yourself raising a secure child and becoming an adult navigating the world in confidence and intelligence.
How to discipline with gentle parenting when you have a toddler?
Now that you know the benefits of gentle parenting let’s discuss ways to use gentle parenting discipline with toddlers.
First, let’s understand your toddler a little more.
Your toddler is in the exploration stage. They will want to climb up and down, touch many things, make messes (though to them it’s not a “mess,” it’s playing), listen to your voice (so read storybooks, lots and lots of books), and claim almost everything as theirs.
Your toddler will also experience tantrums, which are entirely normal for this age and their only way of expressing their big emotions.
Despite their imaginative world of explorations, toddlers need routine, space to be messy, explore, and understand their boundaries, and appreciate your consistency in parenting guidelines and discipline.
Such things as having routines during the day and giving them space and time to free play are essential for your toddler’s development and ability to express themselves and feel safe and secure.
Toddlers crave knowing their boundaries and feel safe when their parent remains calm and grounded even during their tantrums.
Communication is a key gentle parenting technique.
Your toddler understands a lot more than the words they can say. They’ve been listening to your comments and your tone of speaking since in the womb. Toddlers can understand the words you talk about way before they can say the words themselves.
When you have a toddler, you’ll want to remember that the best way to communicate with your toddler is through active listening, validation, empathy, and clarity.
Communication is a fundamental part of gentle parenting techniques for toddlers. So, ways to use gentle parenting with your toddler include:
- Talk to your toddler at their level and with eye contact.
- Speak to what they can do instead of focusing on what they cannot do.
- Keep in mind their imaginative world and use storytelling, gestures, and tones to communicate.
- Finding ways to turn a “No” into a “Yes” (i.e., can the action be done differently that allows for a yes while keeping to your boundaries?)
- Stay calm throughout your communication with your toddler.
- Use positive affirmations to encourage your toddler.
- Focus on what your toddler does well, rather than focusing too much on their misbehavior.
- Remind yourself as often as you need that toddlers learn by what they see and experience much more than what you say.
Routines are fundamental to gentle parenting techniques for toddlers.
Toddlers love routines. There’s a secure, cozy feeling in knowing that there’s a flow and rhythm to the day.
If your toddler is in preschool, you already know that preschools are extremely good at the concept of routines. It’s because they understand a child’s development and the research, and the effectiveness of providing a consistent routine to a toddler’s day.
If you do not already have a consistent routine (or, as I like to call it, a rhythm) to your day, you’ll want to create one that fits into your family. The importance here is that it is consistent.
Now, I do not mean a schedule where things happen at precisely this exact time. I mean a flow to your day.
Here’s a sample routine for toddlers:
- Wake
- Breakfast
- Outdoor Play
- Snack Time
- Creativity Time (arts and crafts)
- Lunch
- Storytime
- Nap (rest time if your toddler is no longer napping)
- Snack Time
- Active Play (Indoor or Outdoor)
- Dinner
- Active play (primary purpose here is to remove any wiggles before bedtime)
- Bath
- Bedtime Routine
- Bedtime
Adjust the sample routine to fit best for your family, but again, I cannot stress enough the importance of consistency.
You’ll need to fit in necessities such as play dates, errands, and such. I recommend that you fit these in during the Active Playtimes.
Use natural and logical consequences as a gentle parenting technique.
Keep in mind that many, many times, you do not need to establish a consequence. You can use gestures, tones, presence, acceptance, and communication to achieve the same results. However, there are times that an appropriate consequence is needed.
In gentle parenting, you will avoid doing what I call on-the-spot consequences. These are the consequences that you create when a negative action happens and primarily come from being frustrated.
Instead, you’ll want to establish your non-negotiables and family guidelines and attach to these your consequence.
Your gentle parenting consequences should always be:
- Kind and respectful
- Consistent
- Logical and related to the action
- Help your toddler learn a social or life skill
From working closely with parents of toddlers as a Mindset Parenting Coach, I know that the concept of consequences can be the hardest to implement in gentle parenting techniques. So, I will give you three examples below of natural and logical consequences.
Examples of Gentle Parenting Discipline for Toddlers
Situation #1: Toddler has been hitting or pushing other kids at the park. The parent has often told the toddler not to hit, yet the toddler still hits or pushes.
Gentle Parenting Technique:
- Before going to the park, ask your toddler what else they can do when they feel like hitting or pushing another child.
- Use positive affirmations that your toddler is capable of not hitting or pushing.
- Watch your toddler closely to see what happens right before hitting or pushing so that you can see any triggers.
- Let your toddler know (before getting to the park and also right before entering the park) that should they hit, the park time will end, and you will be going home (or sitting in the car with your toddler for 10-15 minutes to reset before boing back to play).
- Should your toddler hit or push, you will calmly pick up your toddler and follow through.
As you can see, we used kind, but firm communication of what to expect should your toddler hit or push. We also used a related and logical consequence that helps teach your toddler an excellent social or life skill.
Situation #2: Toddler refuses to get dressed in the morning and will not put any clothes on no matter how much you ask or plead. It’s quite a hassle to get your toddler dressed.
Gentle Parenting Technique:
- Please rely on your routine to help your toddler expect what happens after we get dressed.
- Ask your toddler to pick out their own clothing.
- Use positive affirmations that your toddler is capable of choosing their clothing and getting dressed.
- Let your toddler know that they need to dress to do our outdoor play or any outdoor activity. And give your toddler the option to get dressed right before you need to leave.
- Should it be time to leave and your toddler refuses to get dressed, let your toddler know the time your toddler spends not getting dressed will be time taken away from the active playtime.
- Be willing to follow through and stay less at your active play location to make up the time.
In this scenario, you’re using clear boundaries by allowing a yes where you can and leaving your non-negotiable for what really matters. So, for example, it does not matter if your toddler runs around in their underwear at home. But it does matter that your toddler gets dressed before leaving the house.
Situation #3: Your toddler will not sit while eating. They want to run around the house eating, and one of your parenting desires is that they can sit for meals.
Gentle Parenting Technique:
- Because toddlers learn best through what they see, you’ll want to make sure that you also sit for meals.
- Use positive affirmations that your toddler is capable of sitting for meals and snacks.
- Have realistic expectations of how long your toddler can sit for a meal.
- Instead of a high chair that separates the toddler from the rest of the people eating, get a toddler-appropriate chair that can be right up against your dining table.
- Remember that your job is to offer the food. Your toddler’s job is to choose what offerings they will eat. Your toddler will not starve themselves to death as long as you’re offering various options throughout your meal and snack times.
- Before meal and snack times, let your toddler know that the meal is considered finished if they get up. Your routine will indicate the next eating time.
- Should your toddler get up mid-meal (and let’s face it, your toddler will), then as you start to see your toddler do so, you will remind them that if they choose to get up, the meal is considered completed.
- And you’ll calmly remove the meal or snack if your toddler chooses to get up.
You’ll notice that we are teaching through modeling, communicating clearly and simply, and following through.
None of these mean that your toddler won’t have a tantrum. A tantrum is not an indicator that gentle parenting is failing. A tantrum is your child’s way of expressing emotions.
You will calmly wait out any tantrum, ensuring that your toddler feels safe and secure and does not harm themselves, things, or others.
In gentle parenting, you are not condescending, “I told you that would happen, see!”. Instead, you’ll stay kind and respectful throughout your consequences. A child does not learn through feeling shamed. Rather, a child learns in positive, consistent, and emotionally supported conditions.
How to be a calm parent to a toddler?
I have an entire library of resources made specifically to help you be a calm parent. It’s completely free, so you’ll want to download it below.
When you find yourself starting to get frustrated with your toddler, you can use this grounding technique that helps you stay in the moment.
To stay in your calmness, you’ll want to make sure you have the capacity for calm. And that’s only possible when you take care of your own needs. After all, you are not just a parent. You are an individual with many needs that have nothing to do with being a parent.
I have an entire article on straightforward self-care techniques you can do to ensure that you have the inner space to give your toddler calm.
Gentle parenting techniques for toddlers work.
I have used gentle parenting techniques with each of my kids and taught hundreds of parents to use gentle, positive parenting with their children. Not only is it possible to use gentle parenting techniques with toddlers, but the research proves that doing so will result in raising a child that is independent, socially capable, emotionally intelligent, and better at academics.
While you’ll require more patience, calmness, and consistency, the benefits of gentle parenting techniques are worth the time (and as a reframe, you can consider this extra quality time) implementing these techniques.