15 Ways to Overcome Loneliness in Motherhood
You will learn ways to overcome loneliness in motherhood.
The other day I was sitting at the skate park with my kids (we go almost every week). The skate park was full of people inside, plus parents, who were also waiting outside of the skate park for their kids.
And I found myself thinking, why is it that most people in here now seem so lonely even though we’re all surrounded by each other?
I came home and started to research exactly how many people in the USA are walking around feeling lonely, despite being surrounded by each other. It turns out that 3 out of 5 people are currently experiencing feelings of loneliness.
That honestly blew my mind. I got the sense that most people were lonely, but I didn’t realize it was a fact that most people feel lonely.
I’ve been lonely myself too. Even while married and with kids, I felt lonely. I even had (at the time) a store where hundreds of people came by every week, yet I still felt lonely most of the time.
But, here’s the thing, as a mom, I wasn’t alone in feeling lonely. The truth is (proven by the data) that mothers, in particular, feel very lonely in motherhood.
And yet, it’s not something we talk about often. In this article, we will discuss loneliness in motherhood and 15 ways you can overcome loneliness as a mom.
Why is motherhood so hard?
Logic would say, how can you feel lonely? Of course, your partner and your children surround you. But, none of that matters when in yourself and your mind you feel lonely – none of it matters.
Not to mention, there’s an invisible mental load mothers carry in addition to all of the things that we’re doing.
So not only are we raising small human beings, working but also taking on more of the load of the household mentally and a lot of times physically compared to partners.
And mothers are doing all that we do, mostly feeling lonely.
Is it normal to feel alone in motherhood?
I remember when I had my daughter, I felt alone in mothering, even though, of course, I knew that there were other moms in the world.
But even throughout the years, there have been times when I feel lonely. And that loneliness has had an effect at times on my physical and mental health.
So if you find yourself feeling lonely, know you are not alone in this feeling.
Plus, you’re mothering through a pandemic, which significantly increases the feeling of loneliness in mothers. So we spent over a year isolated from the few in the community that made us feel not alone in the world, not alone in their motherhood.
The Realities of Mom Loneliness
Our children are unique human beings who we love and adore. But, they do not replace that connection with another adult. It is not the same. Just because you have kids around you does not mean that you’re not going to feel lonely.
And for anyone reading this and feeling that heaviness of loneliness, I want you are not alone. And chances are people you interact with within your daily life are most likely also feeling the same as you.
I know that doesn’t help stop your loneliness, but it does help to realize this is not unique to you, and there are others in the world feeling the same.
Whether you are a married mom, mom with a partner, or a single mom, the techniques you will learn in this article will help you to overcome that feeling of loneliness.
There are three main types of loneliness.
Not all loneliness is the same, there are three types of loneliness that make up the majority of lonely feelings.
Intimate loneliness
Intimate loneliness is when you lack a close connection or attachment with another person, like a best friend or a spouse. But, notice that what makes this feel lonely is the lack of close attachment or connection.
A deep connection where you can have heart-to-heart conversations with this person. They get you, love you, and are emotionally available to you.
You can have friends and still feel intimate loneliness. You can be married or in a relationship and still feel that loneliness. Simply put, if no deep connection or attachment flows between you and this person, it can feel lonely.
Relational loneliness
Different than intimate loneliness, but related, is relational loneliness, also known as social loneliness.
Relational loneliness is the perceived absence of quality friendships or family connections in your real-life scenarios. This includes your family unit, but also your groups of friends (or lack of). And it’s important to note that by relations, it’s mean as face-to-face relations with friends and family.
Can you imagine what the pandemic did for relationship loneliness during isolation? I’ll talk about that later in this article.
Collective loneliness
The third main type of loneliness is collective loneliness, where you feel you lack a sense of identity, that you’re not part of a greater group of people.
This could be being part of a public school and knowing that other parents have children in that school, or being part of a church, as well as forming a collective of parents who have chosen to parent more mindfully.
What the pandemic did to amplify loneliness in motherhood.
According to a report by Harvard University, Mothers of young children made up the more significant percentage of lonely people in the USA during the pandemic. Wow! Just think about that for a little bit.
Not only was mothering hard and lonely already for the collective of mothers in the USA, but it spiked during the pandemic. And motherhood continues to feel lonely for many today.
How loneliness can impact your health.
Loneliness in motherhood doesn’t just feel incredibly defeating, but it also affects our bodies and mental health.
Symptoms of loneliness on the body and mind include:
- Overusing alcohol and drugs
- Poor cognitive processing
- Increases antisocial behavior
- Decreased ability to learn new things
- Increases cortisol, a stress hormone
- Causes depression
- Increases chances of suicidal thoughts
- Increases the progression of Alzheimer’s
- Increases risk of cardiovascular stroke
- Alters the way our brains function
The feeling of loneliness in motherhood affects our ability to mother our children. But, please know that there are ways to overcome loneliness.
Is there hope for overcoming the loneliness? Absolutely. Below you will find 15 actions you can choose from to overcome loneliness in motherhood.
15 Ways to Overcome Feelings Of Mom Loneliness
1) Kindness to yourself
What narratives are you playing out in your mind? As a Mindset Coach, one of the things I work on with clients is to flip the switch from negative, defeating thoughts to ones that serve us well.
Kindness towards self is one way to do this. Start by giving yourself grace.
Remind yourself every single day how good you are doing despite your challenges. Focus on what you did right, what feels good to you, and forgive yourself for mishaps or mistakes you made in your mothering.
We are not perfect. To thrive for perfection is to create frustrations within ourselves. If it helps, remind yourself that you are perfectly imperfect. And love yourself even more than the day before.
2) Call a friend
I know so well how hard it can be to take the action of calling a friend when you feel lonely. Yet, it’s one of the healing techniques when you feel lonely.
Your feelings of loneliness can also be the feelings that keep you stuck in loneliness. One way to overcome loneliness is to take action and call a friend despite the discomfort of doing so.
3) Evaluate how you’re spending your time
What are you doing while feeling lonely? Are you scrolling through social media and creating feelings of missing out or even more loneliness? Or are you taking the time you have and doing things you love?
Evaluate how you’re using your time through your loneliness. Be willing to remove the things that aren’t helping you overcome loneliness and fill those spaces with doing things that are pleasing to you.
4) Get outside more
Even if it’s just you and the kids, being in nature can be clearing to the mind. Refreshing. A reset is provided naturally through the outdoors.
The other day, when a wave of loneliness came over me, I fought the urge to do nothing and instead got my shoes on and took a walk around my neighborhood.
And in the 15 minutes that it took to do that, my demeanor changed. I came back feeling motivated and reminded myself of all the love and gratitude around me every day.
Add this to your calendar for today or tomorrow — a walk at your nearby nature park. You’ll come back feeling differently than when you got there.
5) Make small talk with people you interact with
Strangers can help us feel less lonely when we engage in small talk with them.
Next time you go to Target or the grocery store, make small talk with shoppers nearby. Ask how the day is going for the cashier or what plans they have for the day.
Make it a point to engage in small talk with at least one person next time you’re out and about.
6) Use social media to make connections
Most people spend about an hour a day on social media. And social media has not necessarily helped us be less lonely, especially when it’s doom scrolling.
But, what if you were to use social media to engage with others actively?
Research shows that social media can decrease loneliness when used to enhance our relationships with others.
Post a comment on your friend’s pictures, validate the thoughts of others, comment with your thoughts and feedback. The difference is in not just scrolling through but in the engagement.
7) Place your focus on helping others
Taking the focus off ourselves and putting it into others can help to overcome loneliness.
One of the ways you can do this is through volunteer work in your area. There are opportunities to volunteer that happen in person and ways you can do so remotely, such as donating, putting packages together, toy drops, clothing drops, and so on.
One great place to find volunteer opportunities is Volunteer Match, a non-profit that helps match community members to volunteer opportunities.
8) Journal your feelings
Journaling is a simple but powerful technique to use to overcome loneliness.
By journaling, you allow yourself to process your thoughts, give positive self-talk, prioritize your feelings, and find solutions through your inner wisdom.
In my work with parents, I recommend that you journal every single day. Even if it’s to write just how you’re feeling, list out at least three things that you are that give you gratitude.
9) Have friends over
Whether you have a friend over or meet at a local coffee shop, face-to-face time with someone else that cares for you can do wonders for diminishing the feelings of loneliness.
One way to do this as a mom is to schedule a play date with another mom and her children. When you do this, not only are you overcoming your feelings of loneliness but potentially helping the other mom overcome hers.
10) Seek couple’s therapy
As you already saw, moms can feel lonely while in a relationship. Unfortunately, intimate loneliness is a reality for many. But, therapy as a couple can help process the feelings in your relationship while also bringing you both closer together.
Find a local science-based therapist in your area that specializes in relationships and make an appointment.
And in the meantime, begin learning what it takes to build a conscious relationship that satisfies and fulfills you both.
11) Find ways to enjoy your time alone
Feeling lonely does not mean that you do not get to enjoy your time. Instead, think of your loneliness as you would a baby. Where can you provide more nurturing, more love, more care? And then do those things.
One of my favorite things to do when I feel lonely is to watch my favorite food-related show. I find it comforting and entertaining.
Maybe for you, it’s a hot bath or a facial mask after an aromatic shower. Or perhaps it’s binge-watching your favorite TV series. Just know that feeling lonely does not need to come at the price of having a miserable time at it.
Find the things that give you joy, and do those.
12) Join a book club
I first began going to book clubs in my 20s. And while I haven’t been to one in years, I still remember how comforting it was to be in a community with others reading and discussing the same book.
Through the pandemic, there have been many virtual book clubs available.
You can create your own book club or join one of Time’s Magazine’s top 10 virtual book clubs.
A book club fulfills the need for those that are feeling collective loneliness.
13) Take a class
What have you wanted to learn but never made created the time for it? During your times of loneliness, taking a class can be soothing for overcoming loneliness.
Ideally, you take an in-person class where you get to engage with others, but even a virtual course can help, as long as others are interacting with you throughout the class.
Never done yoga before? There are endless options for virtual yoga classes. Have you wanted to learn a new hobby? Perfect, this is the time to sign up for it.
14) Join a Parenting Group
Parenting doesn’t have to be something you do alone. And this goes primarily to the parents that are using positive or gentle parenting because I know from my own experience that it can feel like you’re the only one doing so in the circle of parents you’re in.
One of the best pieces of advice I can give a parent is the one that Nemour’s Children’s Health provides:
“And try to make parenting a manageable job. Focus on the areas that need the most attention rather than trying to address everything all at once. Admit it when you’re burned out. Take time out from parenting to do things that will make you happy as a person (or as a couple).”
And one of the ways to do this is by joining a parenting circle of like-minded parents.
15) Join a hobby membership or group
Being part of something greater than yourself can help you overcome loneliness.
For me, even being part of my local gym is helpful for not feeling lonely.
Check to see if there’s a local hobby group that meets regularly for the same things you enjoy doing. This might be a local nature walks group, yoga, gym, DYI crafting, running, cycling, or anything else that brings you closer to others and allows you to be part of a group.
You’re not alone in loneliness, and you do not need to stay lonely.
I want you to remember, that you are not alone. And that you do not need to remain lonely. There are ways to overcome your loneliness so that you can live a life that feels good both inside and out.
Try one or more of the ways to overcome loneliness and let me know how it goes. And just know that if you ever need someone to validate your feelings, I’m here for you. Feel free to reach out and send me a message on my Instagram and I’m happy to respond.
