Why Do Babies Fight Sleep and the Solution You Need

When you understand why your baby is fighting sleep, it can make it so much easier to adjust and find ways to ease your baby into sleep.

The opposite is true. When you can’t figure out why your baby is fighting sleep, it can feel overwhelming, frustrating, and exhausting.

As a mom of four and a Certified Perinatal Educator and Positive Parenting Educator, I advocate for good sleep for both yourself and your child.

The good news is that in this article, I will cover reasons why babies and toddlers fight sleep, as well as what to do to correct what is currently happening. The goal is that your baby or toddler eases into sleep, while also giving you the capacity you need to parent through these challenges.

9 Reasons Why Babies Fight Sleep

​Over the years of helping thousands of tired parents with babies and toddlers, here are common reasons that often came up for why their babies were fighting sleep.

Overstimulation During the Day

An overstimulated baby can have a hard time calming down. 

During the day, babies experience many new things, what seems small to us, can feel a lot to them. Bright lights, loud noises, and lots of activity can be too much for them. 

This overstimulation makes it hard for your baby to settle down at sleep time. 

Think of how you feel after a very busy day. You find it hard to relax and sleep, right? 

It’s the same for babies. They need a quiet and calm environment to help them transition to sleep.

Inconsistent Sleep Routines

Babies thrive on consistency. An inconsistent sleep routine can confuse them, making it hard to know when it’s time to sleep. 

New parents often struggle to establish a consistent bedtime routine, but it’s crucial for helping babies know what to expect. 

A routine acts like a signal, telling your baby that it’s time to wind down. Without this, babies might fight sleep, unsure if it’s playtime or bedtime.

Hunger or Overfeeding

Hunger can wake a baby, while overfeeding can cause discomfort, leading to sleep disturbances. 

It’s like how you feel uncomfortable and unable to sleep after a very big meal. Babies need just the right amount of food to help them sleep well. 

Feeding them at the right times during the day can support better sleep patterns. It’s all about finding that balance to ensure they’re not too hungry or too full at bedtime.

Teething Pain or Discomfort

Teething is a big milestone in a baby’s life. 

With it comes pain and discomfort, often causing babies to have a harder time sleeping. 

Imagine trying to sleep with a constant ache in your mouth – it’s tough, right? That’s what your baby might be going through during teething phases. 

Sometimes, a teething baby needs extra comfort to help soothe the pain and drift off to sleep.

Learning New Skills

When babies reach new milestones and learn new skills, it can disrupt their sleep. 

Think about a time when you were excited about learning something new. You probably found it hard to switch off and sleep, right? 

Babies feel the same way. 

Whether it’s rolling over, crawling, or walking, these big changes can make them more likely to fight sleep as they practice these skills, even during the night.

Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety is a normal stage of development, but it can make sleep challenging. 

Babies often feel distressed when they can’t see or be with their parents. This anxiety can disrupt their ability to fall asleep or stay asleep. 

They need reassurance that you’re close by. Sleep training that is aligned with the Attachment Theory can sometimes help, but being responsive to your baby’s needs is crucial during this phase.

Over-tiredness or Under-tiredness

Getting the right amount of sleep is a delicate balance. An overtired baby is often too stressed to sleep, while an under-tired baby may not feel sleepy at all. 

Both situations can lead to a baby fighting sleep. It’s important to watch for sleepy cues to determine the right time for your baby to go to bed. 

This helps in avoiding the cycle of being too tired or not tired enough to sleep.

Environmental Factors (noise, light)

Environmental factors like too much noise or bright lights can make it difficult for your baby to sleep. 

Just as adults need a comfortable, quiet, and dark environment to sleep well, so do babies. 

Using blackout curtains and a white noise machine can create an ideal sleep space that helps your baby fall asleep and stay asleep.

Need for Physical Contact

Babies often need physical contact to feel secure and fall asleep. This need is why many babies sleep better when held or cuddled. 

Physical contact helps them feel loved, safe, and relaxed. It reassures them that they’re not alone, which can make a big difference in how well they sleep. 

Providing this comfort at nap time or bedtime can help your baby stop fighting sleep.

By understanding these reasons, you can better support your baby’s sleep needs and find ways to help them get the good sleep habits they need for healthy growth and development.

7 Reasons Why Toddlers Fight Sleep

​If your toddler is often fighting sleep, here are some common reasons why.

Developmental Milestones

Toddlers often experience sleep regression during developmental milestones. 

This can happen around 18 months of age or during a growth spurt. 

As they learn new skills like talking or walking, their minds are busy, and they might have a hard time settling down for sleep. It’s like when you’re excited about a big event and can’t sleep; toddlers feel the same way with their new milestones. 

Understanding this can help you be patient and supportive during these sleepless periods.

Desire for Autonomy

Around the toddler age, children start to show a desire for autonomy. 

They want to make choices and have some control over their lives, including their sleep routine. This need for independence can lead to bedtime battles as they assert themselves and resist going to sleep. 

Offering choices, like which pajamas to wear or which book to read, can help them feel more in control and cooperative at sleep time.

Fear of Missing Out

Toddlers often have a fear of missing out (FOMO). They think that they will miss something important or exciting if they go to sleep. 

This feeling can make them fight sleep, want to stay up with the family, or simply play more. 

To ease this fear, establish a calming and enjoyable bedtime routine that ends with a peaceful sleep time, ensuring they don’t feel like they’re missing out on fun activities.

Nightmares or Night Terrors

Nightmares or night terrors can be frightening for toddlers and can disrupt their sleep. 

Nightmares are scary dreams that happen during REM sleep, while night terrors are more intense and occur during non-REM sleep. 

Both can cause a child to wake up feeling scared and have a hard time going back to sleep. 

Creating a secure, comforting sleep environment and having a consistent sleep routine can help minimize these disturbances.

Disrupted Routines

Toddlers need a consistent sleep routine to help signal their bodies that it’s time to wind down. 

Disrupted routines, like changes in nap time or bedtime, can confuse them and make it harder to settle down.

Consistency and predictability in their daily schedule can promote better sleep habits and make it easier for them to transition to sleep.

Physical Discomfort or Illness

Physical discomfort or illness can significantly impact a toddler’s ability to sleep well. 

Issues like ear infections, teething pain, or even a stuffy nose can make sleeping uncomfortable and difficult. 

Double-checking that your child is in good health and addressing any discomfort before bed can aid in a smoother transition to sleep.

Changes in Sleep Needs

As toddlers grow, their sleep needs change. 

They may need less nap time during the day or have different wake windows. These adjustments can affect how well they sleep at night. 

Being aware of these changing needs and adapting their sleep routine accordingly can help prevent sleep issues and ensure they get the enough sleep they need for healthy development.

By understanding these reasons, you can better address the challenges and help your toddler develop good sleep habits for a restful night.

How to Help Your Baby or Toddler Transition into Sleep Easier

​It’s a good idea for both babies and toddlers to have the optimal environment for sound sleep. In this section, you’ll learn ways to transition your child into sleep easily and smoothly.

Establishing a Calming Bedtime Routine

A calming bedtime routine is the first step to helping your baby transition into sleep easier. This routine could include a warm bath, reading a book, and cuddling. 

These activities signal to your baby that it’s time to wind down. 

The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests that a consistent sleep routine helps reinforce the body’s sleep-wake cycle, promoting better nighttime sleep.

Starting these habits early can establish healthy sleep habits that last a lifetime.

Creating a Sleep-conducive Environment

The environment in which your baby sleeps plays a significant role in how well they sleep. 

A dark room with a comfortable room temperature can enhance your baby’s sleep quality. 

Using blackout curtains and setting the thermostat to a cooler temperature can mimic the natural circadian rhythm, aiding in longer and more restful sleep. 

A sleep sack can provide warmth and security, while a white noise machine can drown out disruptive sounds.

Using Comforting and Soothing Techniques

Comforting and soothing techniques can greatly help an infant struggling to sleep. 

Gentle rocking, patting, or singing can calm a baby and make the transition to sleep smoother. 

For young infants, especially during the newborn stage, swaddling can mimic the womb’s environment, providing comfort and security. 

Remember, sleep associations like these should be positive and part of the sleep routine to avoid sleep problems later on.

Understanding and Responding to Sleep Cues

Responding to your baby’s sleep cues is crucial for preventing over-tiredness, one of the most common reasons a baby fights sleep. 

Eye rubbing, yawning, and looking away are signs of sleepiness. Recognizing these cues and acting promptly by putting the baby to bed can prevent them from catching a second wind, which makes it harder to fall asleep. 

Understanding these signals and keeping a consistent nap routine is the best way to ensure your baby gets the necessary hours of sleep.

The Role of Consistency and Predictability

Consistency and predictability in the sleep schedule are key to helping your baby or toddler sleep better. 

This means having a consistent wake time, nap time, and bedtime. 

It helps to stabilize their internal clock and improve sleep cycles, making it easier for them to fall asleep and stay asleep. 

Older babies and toddlers, in particular, benefit from a consistent sleep schedule as it helps manage their sleep needs and reduces sleepless nights. 

Adhering to a routine even during sleep regressions, like the 4-month sleep regression, can provide the stability your baby needs to navigate through these developmental changes successfully.

By following these steps, you create a supportive environment that nurtures good sleep patterns, which is crucial for your child’s health and well-being.

Why Babies and Toddlers Need You to Sleep 

The importance of secure attachment in the development of children cannot be overstated. 

Secure attachment forms when caregivers consistently meet the child’s needs, creating a foundation of trust and safety. 

This sense of security is vital for healthy emotional and psychological development, influencing how children interact with the world around them. 

When it comes to sleep, this secure base is crucial. 

Children who feel secure are more likely to have better sleep patterns because they trust that their caregiver will be there if needed, even in the middle of the night.

Responsive parenting plays a significant role in developing these secure attachments and healthy sleep habits.

 When parents are attuned to their child’s needs and respond appropriately, it reinforces the child’s sense of security. 

For instance, understanding the possible reasons for a baby fighting sleep, like short naps or sleep deprivation, and addressing them shows the child that their signals are heard and met. 

This responsiveness helps in regulating the child’s emotions and leads to more consistent sleep patterns.

The presence of the parent or primary caregiver provides essential emotional security for the child. 

This security doesn’t mean being with the child at all times but rather ensuring the child knows they are available and responsive. 

This sense of availability can significantly affect the child’s ability to relax and fall asleep. It’s comforting for a newborn baby or toddler to know their parent is nearby, making them feel protected and loved. 

This emotional security is particularly important during the first year of life, a critical period for attachment formation and sleep regulation.

Viewing sleep as a developmental achievement in the context of attachment highlights its importance in a child’s growth. 

Just like walking or talking, learning to sleep through the night is a developmental milestone that children reach at their own pace. 

You are a parent and play a vital role in supporting this development by providing a consistent and nurturing environment. This nurturing includes recognizing the sleep window for baby naps and ensuring the baby’s sleep environment is conducive to rest.

Research on sleep and attachment has shown that secure attachments lead to better sleep outcomes in children.

Studies suggest that children with secure attachments have fewer sleep problems and are more likely to be good sleepers. 

These findings underline the importance of building and maintaining a strong bond with your child, as it directly affects their sleep quality and overall well-being.

How to Build Emotional Capacity for Helping Your Baby with Sleep

Building emotional capacity is about enhancing your ability to manage your emotions and respond effectively to your child’s sleep needs. 

Self-awareness and managing personal stress are the first steps. 

Recognizing your stressors and finding healthy ways to cope with them can prevent negative impacts on your child’s sleep. Stress can disrupt your ability to be consistently responsive at night, leading to more sleep challenges for your child.

Empathy is crucial in understanding your child’s needs. It involves putting yourself in your child’s shoes and trying to understand their experience. 

This understanding can guide how you respond to their sleep struggles, whether they are due to a medical issue or developmental changes like the 4-month sleep regression.

Building patience and perseverance is important, especially when facing sleep problems like frequent awakenings or baby fights sleep scenarios. 

Seeking support and community resources is also a great way to build your emotional capacity. 

Whether it’s consulting a sleep consultant, joining a parenting group, or just talking to friends and family, getting support can provide you with new strategies and emotional relief. 

These resources can offer practical advice, like the use of a wearable blanket for newborn babies, or emotional support during tough times.

Prioritizing self-care and rest for parents is essential. Parents often neglect their own sleep needs, leading to sleep deprivation and decreased emotional capacity. 

Ensuring you get enough sleep is not just good for you but also for your child. A well-rested parent is more patient, empathetic, and better able to handle the challenges of nighttime parenting.

Building emotional capacity to support your child’s sleep is a multifaceted approach that involves understanding both your child’s and your own needs. 

By focusing on these areas, you can create a nurturing environment that promotes secure attachments and healthy sleep habits for your child.

Continue with: Guide to Sleep Training a 6 Month Old Breastfed Baby